dystopian Archives ⋆ Utopia PR

You really like hearing my voice!

Hey, it’s me again–Blake Hamner–and yes, the n is still silent. I’m super excited to announce the release today of my very first audiobook, Utopia PR! It’s exactly the same as the print version I published last year, except now you get to hear my melodious voice say every word.

Editor’s Note: Audiobook is narrated by Tristan Wright.

Hey, who wrote that? I don’t have an editor. That’s why the book I wrote is so great.

Editor’s Note: There was an editor, and technically, Adam Bender wrote the book.

Pssh, whatever. What I was trying to say is that you can buy the audiobook today directly from me or from your favorite online retailer.

Listen to an excerpt from Utopia PR: The Audiobook

I’ve already received some really great reviews on NetGalley, and just like I did after the paperback and eBook editions came out, I wanted to share a few excerpts from my favorite pieces of feedback.

Quite a few years ago I was on a trip to Florida with my family and we picked up Little Green Men by Christopher Buckley, it was a hilarious political satire book and until I listened to Utopia PR by Adam Bender I had not seen or maybe I should say heard its equal. Utopia PR is hilarious and fascinating, it does a good job of both satirizing and skewering politics and PR men and women. If you enjoy political satire at all you should grab this book, its really entertaining. Even if you have not read any political satire and just enjoy a good story and maybe a little dark humor then this book will tickle your fancy as it did mine. It reminded me a lot of Christopher Moore’s books as well in just how well written it was.
Daniel L., Reviewer

I love a review with a few good comps! I also love anything related to skewering. People, kebabs, beloved institutions — I skewer it all.

This is madcap, satirical quirkiness at its best. It’s scary ‘cos it could actually be based on fact. It’s funny ‘cos it isn’t. I think.
Loved the audio version, it’s short and I wished it was much longer, though it ended neatly and I would heartily recommend it.
Katy K, Librarian

It is based on fact. Why do people keep saying it’s funny? This is my life! Interesting she said it’s short. Maybe one day they’ll let me release the Blake Hamner cut. It’s got a lot more singing.

This is a fast paced, action, humorous, dystopian take on what PR seems to be about about, and it isn’t the truth.
Peter T., Educator

Ain’t that truth. By the way, I’d love to take your class, Peter!

While listening to this audiobook, I could easily see it as a made-for-Netflix movie or limited series. I loved the banter between characters and the dry humor. I think it would play out nicely on screen.
Emily M, Reviewer

You heard Emily, Netflix! Let’s get this greenlit!

Just give it a try, if you dont like it you can complain about it in a comment section.
Kate M., Reviewer

Yeah! Complain about it in the comments section, ya jerks!

Thanks to all of you listened to the audiobook already and wrote reviews. For those of you clicking BUY as we speak, please leave a review somewhere and send me the link! I’ll try to feature you in a future blog post!

Change the news cycle with The Grand List of Distractions

Photo Credit: Markus Winkler

People often ask me how to change the news cycle in the midst of a PR crisis. This was a top skill of mine in my job as Crisis Communications Manager for the President.

In the early days of his administration, Our Leader faced more public-relations crises than we on the communications team could ever have reasonably expected. So, one night over a few beers, Communications Director Scott Jones and I brainstormed a manifest of ideas to hijack the news cycle and change the narrative. We called it The Grand List of Distractions.

Whenever the media found out about one of the skeletons in Our Leader’s closet (literally, as it turned out, but it’s not as bad as you’d think), we would turn to the list and choose something to quickly supplant the story we wanted to squash.

I am thrilled to now share with you this historical document:

The Grand List of Distractions

Accuse previous president of infidelity.
Fire the Vice President.
Accuse international ally of wiretapping Our Leader.
Zoo prison break!
Threaten to bomb an insignificant country.
Reveal nationwide outbreak of food poisoning.
Announce Our Leader is getting married.
Require businesspeople to wear hats like in the old days.
Bacon festival, with free bacon!
False alarm air raid / missile crisis
Announce national music contest judged by Our Leader.

So, you might be asking if we ever actually used anything from the Grand List.

Oh, yes. But if you want to know more, you’ll have to read my book Utopia PR. It’s available now in eBook and paperback at your favorite bookstore, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Bookshop.org. You can also ask your local bookstore to order a copy. Soon you’ll be distracting like a spin doctor!

Read about the Grand List of Distractions and other ways to change the news cycle in Utopia PR by Adam Bender, pictured here as a paperback and an eBook on a generic looking tablet! — Read more about **The Grand List of Distractions** and other ways to change the news cycle in *Utopia PR* by Adam Bender!

Read the book!

No, it’s not #fakenews… It’s the Utopia PR book cover reveal!

Blake Hamner here! I’m excited to reveal the cover for Utopia PR, my new book coming Feb. 22, 2021!

While it might read like a dystopian satire, it’s actually a memoir of my time handling crisis communications for Our Leader. It is definitely not #fakenews or a science fiction novel. This book represents my total, unvarnished truth. You can trust me because I’m in PR.

You can preorder it today!

Kindle

Smashwords

Join Blake’s email list for updates!

Bailey McGinn designed the beautiful cover for Utopia PR. We wanted to go for something simple and iconic. The image highlights one of my greatest PR accomplishments during my time working for the president: turning one of his killer robotic hounds into the hero pup who’s now universally beloved by the nation!

You might be wondering why the cover lists Adam Bender instead of Blake Hamner as the author. I think this was my publisher’s error. See, Adam is my ghostwriter. He helped congeal my wildly brilliant thoughts into coherent sentences and chapters. Don’t panic: I’ve submitted a customer support ticket and am promised a response within 3-5 business days.

In any case, here’s a book summary…

Public-relations extraordinaire Blake Hamner (the “n” is silent) put off his honeymoon for his big break: joining a major political campaign for president. Now, the “Hammer” struggles to make time for his marriage as Crisis Communications Manager for Our Leader, who since taking power has become increasingly mad and totalitarian.

The Hammer starts to reconsider his career choices when one of Our Leader’s savage steel hounds attacks the Comms team at a press conference. When a revolutionary called Jetpack levels grave allegations against Our Leader—and implicates Blake for the cover-up—the PR rep who thought he could talk his way out of any crisis finds himself utterly trapped in a dystopian job.

Please subscribe to my mailing list below for updates on when the book becomes available for preorder. It will available soon as both a traditional paperback and digital eBook. Also, please leave a comment — I’d love to hear what you think of the cover.

Pandemic Public Relations Dos and Don’ts Are Just What We Needed Now More Than Ever

It should be easy to do public relations in a pandemic. After all, PR reps have had to be cheery, positive and inanely effusive during trying times since the earliest days of our profession! However, nothing in my lifetime ever hit us quite as hard as COVID-19. PR reps are social people–we like to get out! Unfortunately, the loneliness and isolation of this experience hasn’t been good for us, and I’m afraid a lot of us haven’t been doing our best work.

Don’t get too down about it! The truth is that we’re all making up the rules for public relations in a pandemic on the fly. I know I’ve made plenty of mistakes–including, perhaps, this blog post. In any case, here’s my short list of pandemic PR dos and don’ts based on the good, bad, and ugly that I’ve seen so far in coronavirus communications.

tl;dr: Now, more than ever, PR reps need to be the happily tweeting canary in the (possibly infected) coalmine for the American people.

Do! Say “Now, more than ever”

Now, more than ever, try to work into your PR pitches the phrase, “Now, more than ever.” You can tie literally anything to the pandemic with that phrase. Now, more than ever, stray dogs and cats need your donations. Now, more than ever, billionaire owners need you to pay to watch their professional sports teams. Now, more than ever, foot cream will resolve your callouses. Look, everybody’s doing it!

Don’t! Pretend there’s no pandemic

One of the worst things you can do is act like nothing is happening. You’ll come off as ignorant, insensitive or worse. So please, don’t invite reporters to in-person events or interviews. Don’t imply that someone with a different view needs to “get out more.” I know it’s almost Halloween, but watch it with the gallows humor, would you? And for goodness sake, please don’t use stock photos of people hugging, shaking hands or breathing on each other!

Friends hugging and laughing — No! Stop it! The CDC does not recommend this!

Do! Stay positive (It’s what we all need right now)

Everything you pitch is either a solution to–or wonderous distraction from–the virus. When I read clickbait headlines that end in “…is the [thing] we all needed right now,” I know a PR rep somewhere is getting a raise. A few real-world examples, if I may!

Don’t acknowledge coronavirus too much

Plague mask — This is not what anyone needed right now.

Look, it’s a balance, okay? You don’t need to hammer into people’s heads that 2020 sucks. Everyone knows 2020 sucks. Increasing your audience’s depression will only make them tune out.

And on that note, I conclude this grim blog post. Please add your own Dos and Don’ts in the comments page, and now, more than ever, reach out if you have any questions!

Writing a Book on Managing Crisis Communications for the President

Blake Hamner here. (That’s pronounced like hammer, by the way. The ‘n’ is silent.) I used to be Crisis Communications Manager for the President, but now I’m breaking out on my own to start a PR consulting firm! Also, I’m writing a book–a memoir about my last few months working for Our Leader.

I just got WordPress up and running, so you’ll have to excuse the woeful lack of content. For now, you can learn more about me on my homepage. Please follow @Utopia_PR on Twitter and sign up for my mailing list below for updates about Utopia PR and my upcoming book.

Look forward to working with you!

— Blake “The Hammer” Hamner