People often ask me how to change the news cycle in the midst of a PR crisis. This was a top skill of mine in my job as Crisis Communications Manager for the President.
In the early days of his administration, Our Leader faced more public-relations crises than we on the communications team could ever have reasonably expected. So, one night over a few beers, Communications Director Scott Jones and I brainstormed a manifest of ideas to hijack the news cycle and change the narrative. We called it The Grand List of Distractions.
Whenever the media found out about one of the skeletons in Our Leader’s closet (literally, as it turned out, but it’s not as bad as you’d think), we would turn to the list and choose something to quickly supplant the story we wanted to squash.
I am thrilled to now share with you this historical document:
The Grand List of Distractions
- Accuse previous president of infidelity.
- Fire the Vice President.
- Accuse international ally of wiretapping Our Leader.
- Zoo prison break!
- Threaten to bomb an insignificant country.
- Reveal nationwide outbreak of food poisoning.
- Announce Our Leader is getting married.
- Require businesspeople to wear hats like in the old days.
- Bacon festival, with free bacon!
- False alarm air raid / missile crisis
- Announce national music contest judged by Our Leader.
So, you might be asking if we ever actually used anything from the Grand List.
Oh, yes. But if you want to know more, you’ll have to read my book Utopia PR. It’s available now in eBook and paperback at your favorite bookstore, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Bookshop.org. You can also ask your local bookstore to order a copy. Soon you’ll be distracting like a spin doctor!
